The best birthday present

I arose early this morning and for once it wasn't at the call of a child. They both were sleeping soundly in their beds. I went downstairs and put the monkey bread in the oven and sat down on the couch to read. This was a rare chance to think and there is a lot to think about. I am thirty years old today.

After a few minutes I heard the thump of Noah lowering himself out of his crib, the opening of his door and his calls for daddy (pronounced daggey). I ran up the stairs to allow Nat a few more minutes of slumber, grabbing Noah and bringing him and his blankie down to the couch with me. I replaced his pacifier and he snuggled into my neck and fell back to sleep. We sat on the couch together for the next 20 minutes he snoozed while I breathed him in. He never sits still long enough to let me do this and boy, do I miss his snuggles. Baby shampoo, diaper, and little boy combine to make the smell that is uniquely him. After a while he lifted his head, looked me in the eyes and grinned that wide and genuine smile-- this one came out smiling. And so our day began.

There is so much to be grateful for. My boys (all three, almost four) top my gratitude list. This family is who I am and what I am becoming. Five years ago I was pregnant with my first son (and coincidentally spent the day in the clinic getting the first of what would be many IV fluid injections to fight off the pregnancy induced dehydration) and just beginning this adventure with the love of my life. I had no idea. I didn't know what frustration, exhaustion, and occasional desperation would follow.

But, more than that I didn't know joy. I didn't know the sweetness of a four year old boy crying on my lap because Laura and Mary's dog Jack had died. I didn't know the feeling of a little hand slipping, unexpectedly, into mine while on a nature walk. I didn't know the wonder of discovering together.

Is this where I thought I would be at thirty? No, it's so much better than I could have imagined.